Paranormal
1. You get your looks from your mom.. she’s a plastic surgeon
2. Your mom’s so fat, when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.
3. Your mom’s so ugly, people go as her for Halloween
4. Your mom’s so fat, when she backs up, she beeps
5. Your mom’s so fat, she fell in love and broke it.
6. Your mom’s so fat, she jumped in the air and got stuck
7. Your mom’s so black, she went to night school and got marked absent
8. Your mom’s so fat, she wears a VCR as a beeper
9. I saw your mom kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, she said “moving”
10. Your mom’s so fat, she has to buy 2 airline tickets.
11. Your mom’s so stupid, she asked you “what’s the number for 911?”
12. Your mom sets off car alarms when she runs
13. Your mom’s so ugly they pay her to keep her clothes on in strip joints
14. Your mom’s so ugly, that your dad takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.
15. Your mom’s so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
16. Your mom’s so dumb, she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house
17. Your mom’s got a wooden leg with a kickstand on it
18. Your mom’s so fat, she influences the tides
19. Your mom’s so fat, when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas
20. Your mom’s so old, I told her to act her age and the bitch dropped dead
21. Your mom’s so fat, she broke her leg and gravy fell out
22. Your mom’s twice the man you are
23. Your mom’s head is so small, she got her ears pierced and died
24. Your mom’s so stupid she sold the car for gas money
25. Your mom’s so tall, she did a backflip and hit Jesus in the mouth.
26. Your mom’s glasses are so thick, she can see into the future
27. Your mom’s in a wheelchair, and says “You ain’t gonna push me around no more!”
28. Your mom has one hand and a clapper
29. Your mom has a short leg and walks in circles
30. Your mom’s got a wooden leg with branches
31. Your mom was in K Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, “What you doin’?” She says “Buying luggage”
32. Your mom’s so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince
33. Your mom’s so fat, she was baptized in the Pacific Ocean
34. If my dog had a face as ugly as your mom’s, I’d shave his ass and make him walk backwards.
35. Your mom’s so stupid, she stole free bread
36. Your mom’s so stupid, she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order
37. Your mom’s so old, she needs permission from the fire department to put candles on her birthday cake.
38. Your mom’s so stupid, she went to a garage sale and bought a garage
39. Your dad’s breath smells so bad because your mom’s face is so ugly, he’d rather kiss her ass
40. Your mom’s so fat, she wears a mattress as a tampon
41. Your mom’s so nasty, she puts crabs in the sock drawer
42. Your mom’s so dumb, when your dad said it’s chilly outside, she ran out with a spoon
43. Your mom’s so hairy, Sasquatch take pictures of her
44. Your mom’s so black, she leaves fingerprints on charcoal
45. Your mom’s so fat, she fills up the bathtub, then turns it on.
46. Your mom’s so fat, she irons her pants on the driveway.
47. Your mom’s so fat, we’re in her right now.
48. Your mom’s so stupid she put a peephole in a glass door
49. Your mom’s so fat, even Superman can’t see through her
50. Your mom’s so ugly, they filmed “Gorilla’s in the Mist” in her shower
51. Your mom’s so fat, she played the stunt double in Free Willy
52. Your mom’s so fat, when god lighted the earth, he had to move her ass out of the way
53. Your mom’s so stupid, on the job application form where it said, “Don’t write here” she put OK
54. Your mom’s teeth are so yellow, when she smiles, traffic slows down
55. Your mom’s so thin, when she smokes a cigarette, it looks like she’s pregnant
56. Your mom’s so stupid, she jumped off a bridge because she thought her maxi pad had wings
57. Your mom’s so fat, after sex, I rolled over 3 times and I was still on the bitch
58. Your mom’s glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she sees people waving
59. Your mom’s so ugly, she looks like you
60. Your moms’ so bald, you can actually see what she’s thinking
61. Your mom’s so old, she gives powdered milk
62. Your mom’s so small, you can see her feet in her driver’s license
63. Your mom’s got more chins than a Chinese telephone directory
64. Your mom’s so poor, she can’t even pay attention
65. Your mom’s so fat, when she went to school, she sat next to everybody.
66. Your mom’s so stupid, she sends fax messages with a postage stamp on it.
67. Your mom’s so stupid, she got stabed in a shoot out.
68. Your mom’s so stupid, she tries to drown a fish in water.
69. Your mom’s so stupid, at the bottom of the application, where it says “Sign Here” she put “Sagittarius”
70. Your mom’s so stupid, she missed the #44 bus, so she took the #22 twice.
71. Your mom’s so stupid, she drives to the airport and sees a sign that said “Airport Left”, so she turns around and goes home.
72. Your mom’s so stupid, she gets locked in a furniture store and sleeps on the floor.
73. Your mom called Air India and asks, “How long does it take to fly from Mumbai to Delhi?” “Just a sec,” says the rep. “Thank you,” she says and hangs up.
74. Your mom’s so stupid, in the application, where it says “Salary Expected:” she says “Yes”
75. Your mom’s so stupid, she tried to kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
